Hello. My name is Kelli, and I am addicted to Barnes & Noble.

And that is what I should say every time I swipe that “Barnes & Noble Member Card” at the B & N checkout counter. The Member Card is not one of those free keychain cards, like the Kroger card or the Petsmart card (you could also insert footlocker, cvs, brookshires, vitamin world, etc…). You have to actually pay for the Member Card. You swipe the card and get 10% off your coffee at the Starbucks Café. Members get an extra 30% off of all best sellers and 10% off everything else in the store. Members also get kick ass coupons sent to their e-mail. Seriously, I had to get my husband to build me a bookshelf to put in my bedroom just to support my habit.

Last week, I visited Barnes & Noble 3 times. Out of those 3 visits, I came home with 6 books and 2 magazines for myself, 2 books for my husband and 3 books for my 5 year old daughter. And that was a slow week.

I am not one to read just one book at a time either. I am currently reading 7 books (technically 8) and I’m sure after my weekly visit to B & N on Sunday, I’ll add one or two more to that. I always keep one book in my car and I read it when I’m sitting in traffic. I usually keep another one in my purse and read it when I’m in the waiting room at the doctor’s office, waiting for my oil to be changed, or waiting for Madelyn’s gymnastics class to be over. The others are in a stack by my bed or stashed in various locations around the house.

Books currently in my queue:

New Moon by Stephenie Meyer – I actually have 2 copies of the first two books in the Twilight series. One copy of New Moon is my “car book” and one is in the stack by my bed. I have read the entire series twice; this is my 3rd go round.

The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath – This book is amazing. Sylvia Plath was so descriptive with her writing and you actually “live” the main characters nervous breakdown. P.S. This book is semi-autobiographical. She just changed the names of the people in the book and wrote it under a pseudonym (Victoria Lucas) so as not to hurt her mother. I guess there’s something to be said about someone who commits suicide by sticking their head inside a gas oven.

Ariel: Poems by Sylvia Plath – Want to feel better about your life? Read some Sylvia Plath poetry. She was totally screwed up (hence the suicide) and you can read it in her “confessional” poetry. I’m not a fan of poetry, but there’s something about her writing draws me in.

The Journals of Sylvia Plath - I’m intrigued by her writing, the fiction and the truth. I haven’t started reading the journals yet, but I’m sure they’ll have a striking resemblance to The Bell Jar.

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time by Mark Haddon – I usually tote this one in my purse. Most of the chapters are short and to the point. It’s fiction and the main character has Asberger’s Syndrome (a mild form of autism). He has a problem with emotions and relating to people, but he knows every prime number up to 7,057. The book is about him writing a murder mystery about the neighbor’s dog getting killed. The chapters are not numbered cardinally (1, 2, 3, 4...)….he numbers them with prime numbers.

The Interpretation of Dreams by Sigmund Freud - I have barely cracked this one, but so far, it is interesting to see how mental disorders were treated, diagnosed and rationalized by Freud in the late 1800s. I do have to keep a dictionary handy when I’m reading this one. Those damn smart folks tend to use big words!

Watchmen by Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons – I desperately want to see the movie, but I will NOT see a movie until I have read the book. Seriously, Marley & Me and Atonement are both on my bookshelf, and I refuse to watch the movies until I read them. This one though, is tricky. It’s a graphic novel. AKA, a really LONG comic book. I’m trudging through it, slowly but surely.

In summation, if you see a book at B & N or Borders and wonder if it’s worth reading…you might want to ask me, because I probably either own it already, have read it already or it’s on my “to buy” list.

Words & Phrases to love & hate

Hate 'em:

Stimulus - For one, it sounds dirty. It does make me giggle, but I wish they could think of something else to call the proposed economy revival plan. It’s even worse when they combine it with “package.”

Any combination of a man’s name and a woman’s name that is meant to describe them as a couple; for example, “Bennifer” or “Brangelina” – the reason for this should be rather obvious.

Bailout – It’s not that I hate this word I just disagree with the principle behind it. Pouring our hard-earned tax dollars into banks and auto companies where the chances of the funds being used to pay for executive bonuses, executive retreats and private jets are high…yeah, that sounds like a brilliant plan.

Chillaxin’ – It’s just stupid.

Tramp Stamp – One tattoo on the small of her back does not a tramp make. I, myself, loving wife and mother with a respectable job, have a tattoo on my lower back as do several of my friends and even a couple of my family members. I dare you to call any one of us a tramp. We’ll F- you up.

Love 'em:

Douchebaggery – Yes it’s a made up word, but it’s still funny. I believe the technical definition would be “what a douche bag is guilty of or famous for.” Ever since I heard it used on a TV show a couple of weeks ago to describe Criss Angel, I haven’t been able to stop laughing about it.

Really? – I like being able to be sarcastic with just one word.

O M G – It’s usually best when you drag out the sound of each letter individually and it’s definitely better than taking the Lord’s name in vain.

Concur - I don't just agree; I concur.

Mangas and Horno - I get an e-mail at work every day containing the "Spanish Word of the Day." My all time faves are "mangas" (sleeves) and "horno" (oven). We have tricks up our mangas and we pre-heat the horno. Oh yeah, if you're going to cook in the oven, that's "hornee". Seriously, look it up.

I'm the train they call the City of New Orleans -oldie

November 11, 2008

I think fall might be my favorite time of year in the South. The leaves look like this massive pallet of colors that is nearly impossible for man to replicate. The yellow leaves are the color of sun shining through honey. The smell of firewood burning is almost always in the air. When the sun is beating down on you and the breeze is blowing...it's an amazing feeling. I am describing a day exactly like today. We (Nathan, Madelyn and I) are heading to New Orleans for the weekend.

There is something about the city of New Orleans that I am in love with. In all of its glorious nastiness, there is a beautiful and rich history. I also have this morbid attraction to the cemeteries. Not because they are all full of dead people, but because of the fact that all of the tombs are above the ground. It has everything to do with New Orleans, Louisiana being a cereal bowl, literally. A bowl that is always in danger of flooding (hello, Katrina).

There is also something about the culture. The Cajuns, the voodoo, the bayou, the French Market, the artists that faithfully put their work out to sell every day, and the French Quarter. If you have ever been to New Orleans, you know that the list above could go on and on forever.

Right now, I am watching the sunlight twinkle on the water of Lake Pontchartrain on what seems like THE longest bridge EVER. I am reminded of the time, after my sister-in-law's bachelorette party, when we were driving across the dreaded bridge. We missed our turn to get on I-55...twice. Which, to those of you that have never traversed said bridge, means we had to cross the interminable bridge THREE times. All the while, my poor sister-in-law is on the verge of puking the contents of her stomach into a plastic trash bag that I stole from the hotel. The night before was a long one...consisting of hand grenades, shots, fake vampires, and crazy taxi rides. But dammit, we had fun. Even though the ride home was less than ideal, we will never hold it against the fabulous city of New Orleans.

I'll show you my redneck Christmas spirt, crazy Volvo lady! -oldie

I tend to get into some weird situations sometimes. This one happens to be one of my favorites. It all went down in December of 2005. It went a little (or a lot) like this....

The craziest thing happened to me today. A crazy lady in a volvo.

First, let me give you some background for those of you that don't know. I'm from Tennessee, but I am a resident of Mississippi and have been for about 6 years now. Anyway, my car still has Tennessee tags on it. (long story, don't ask)

So, there I am at Wal-Mart. I had just finished the first round of Christmas shopping, and feeling pretty good about it too. I was in a good mood, and I still had 10 minutes before I had to be at work. I was being a good little driver, and using the road around the parking lot, rather than cutting through the parking lot. This lady, in a Volvo, decides to cut through the parking lot, and apparently thinks I'm going to let her cut me off, and get in front of me in the line of cars waiting to get out of the parking lot. She edged the front of her car out into the parking lot and I just turned the wheel a bit, and went around her. Well, she pulled out behind me. When we stopped, she got OUT of her car, and walked up and knocked on my window. I was laughing. I guess she expected me to be pissed off... Anyway, I rolled the window down and the conversation went like this....

Me: "Can I help you?"

Volvo Lady: "That is THE rudest thing I've ever seen! Where is your Christmas spirit?!?" (I'm thinking "You'll see my Christmas spirit when I'm pulling my size 8 foot out of..." you get the picture.)

Me: "I'm sorry, but I like to use the road as it is intended and not be rude and cut through the parking lot and expect people to let me cut in line."

Volvo Lady: "Is that how they teach you people to drive in Florida?"

Me: "Where in the HELL did you get Florida from?"

Volvo Lady: "Your license plate."

Me: "Um, if you could read, you'd see that my license plate says Tennessee."

Volvo Lady: "Redneck!" (then she storms off dramatically)

Meanwhile, I'm laughing hysterically, as Volvo Lady tries to make her dramatic exit, she realizes that when she got out of her car, she locked the door. And now she can't get back in. I said out loud to myself "Karma's a bitch lady!" That was the greatest Christmas present ever!

Here's to you Crazy Volvo Lady! Merry Christmas!

I really should blog more, or so they say.

It has come to my attention that I need to blog more. In response to those who have inquired, I have a slew of stuff written in random notebooks laying around in random places around my house and in my car. So, instead of writing new stuff, for the time being, I will regurgitate some of the oldies but goodies.